My husband and I are currently in the process of preparing our house to put on the market. Our goal is to move to Wilmington, North Carolina, to live nearer to my family and to enjoy shorter, milder winters. We haven’t mapped out this move; we don’t have jobs waiting nor have we made an offer on a house in Wilmington. We aren’t exactly sure when our house will sell or if there is a market for the work we do.
We have met with some criticism of our non plan to move. One former associate described it, with a chuckle, as “so, ‘in theory’, you’re moving to North Carolina”. That’s an understandable reaction. For some people, the idea of not having a sure plan in place is just too anxiety provoking to pursue.
This is not to say that we are not experiencing some anxiety about the uncertainties ahead. There are many questions unanswered, such as:
- Can we sell this house for enough to buy another one in NC?
- How long will it take us to ramp up hubby’s therapy practice to sustainable levels?
- Where will we live if we can’t find an affordable house in NC right away?
And then there are all of the “what if” questions:
- What if we run out of money?
- What if we can’t find jobs/enough clients to provide for our needs?
- What if, what if, what if…?
There are times when I feel completely overwhelmed by the prospects of preparing about 13 rooms in this house; packing up 13 years of stuff; driving 13 hours with 3 dogs and 3 cats to I don’t know where yet; building up clientele; making new friends; finding the ‘right’ grocery store, veterinarian, family physician, internet provider, cable company, etc.
Clearly, the easiest thing to do is stay put. I’m not unhappy here and I know where the things I need and want are located. I can visit my family a couple times a year. Why put ourselves through all this?
We put ourselves through this because I want very much to not only visit my family, but to be an active part of their lives again. I want to decide on a whim to go to the beach and be there in 20 minutes. I want to live close enough to my best friend to go shopping together. I want her toddler son to know me, not from a picture but from the sound of my car pulling into her driveway.
About 18 months ago, I worked for the local government. I’d been there eight years. I’d recently been promoted. My youngest stepson was a senior in high school. My husband’s practice, though new, was beginning to flourish. Things were going well and I was under the illusion that I was in control of my life.
Then, I was suddenly laid off. My stepson went off to college three hours away. My nieces and nephew continued to grow up without us really knowing each other. My best friend, after a complicated pregnancy, had a baby. I took a job for which I am not well suited. I found myself very afraid and without that illusion of control.
We can all certainly influence our future. We can set our intentions, make plans, take action. We can decide to do nothing – because we cannot predict the outcome. We can allow fear to hold us hostage – in jobs that suck our souls away, in relationships that cause our hearts to wither, in addictions that dull our pain, in habits that no longer serve us.
Change is scary! Change leads us into the unknown. What I’ve found though is that change happens whether we are prepared for it or not. Even when we have all our plans in place, change happens and washes away our plans like waves on the beach erase our footprints.
I do not advocate that everyone set an intention to move out of state without solid plans. In fact, while my plans are sketchy now, I’ll fill in the blank areas as things move along. What I won’t do is do nothing until conditions are optimal or wait until my fear subsides. Because conditions will never be optimal and my fear will probably remain. My feeling now is that I don’t have enough information to make a plan; to make an “etched in stone” plan now would simply frustrate me because it would…well, change!
Fear comes from your ego. The ego will always vote for the status quo. The ego is deeply invested in the illusion of control, keeping you small and confined, in maintaining what is. Fear is what stops people from skydiving, from visiting a foreign country, from reaching beyond the known and the comfortable to the unknown and potentially awesome. Fear says, “It’s risky. You might not like it. You might get hurt. You might FAIL. You might end up homeless and alone”. And it’s right; you might. It’s certainly safer to stay right here.
My hope for you is that you will -
Take control of the things in your life that you can reasonably control, such as:
- How you dress
- Updating your resume
- Write down your dream and visualize yourself living it
That you will attempt to influence the things in your life you cannot control, such as:
- Prepare well for the interview
- Seek out and connect with people who work where you want to work
- Watch for and take any opportunity that presents itself to promote your dream
I hope you will put fear aside, that you’ll test the waters, that you’ll be willing to fail.
